Potentially something nasty lurking in my woodshed

I've been off work for a couple of days, feeling a bit on the icky side with weird stomach cramps, a bit of fever and headache. My appetite's been practically non-existent (which is really unusual) and I haven't even felt like booze!
I figure I'm getting a bit long in the tooth for this partying shit, and have been paying the price for last weekend!
I simply had to frock up today; it's Friday after all, and I had to pop out to the doctors.
Frock-sweet 60's, a gift from the lovely Ivy , it was a little constricting in the booboid department, so I let it out a tad yesterday and now it's perfect!
Coat-Repertory Theatre sale
Cardi-opshopped
Little cardi-Lampang, Thailand
Tights-rib! Opshopped
Shoes-school fair
Earrings-some chain jewellery store sale, I got a pair for Vix as well, she's wearing them here . I like them cos they're a bit Indian-ish
Necklace-G bought it for me in Wellington
Handbag-$2 at an opshop many years ago! haven't used it in years!
Flower-gift from Justine
Sunglasses-vintage Orotons, gift from Sarah
I was recognised by these shoes when I was waiting (for fecking ever) at the doctors surgery; the lady had seen my pic in Metropol magazine!!!
This is tooled leather of the softest, butteryist, rub up against your nekkid body kind....
I adore wrinkly knees!
Good thing, really, one day they'll be for real!!
Speaking of getting older and mouldier, a very elderly lady admired me (naturally) at the chemist, the wee old sweetie!
(Chemist=drugstore, darling Americans. I like drugstore so much better, it sounds naughtier, and whenever I'm in the States I find every excuse to go into one and get the most puerile joy out of it!)
Gonna take it off!
So, whilst I had some time on my hands, I decided to start making a new frock with my new sewing machine!
My beloved hot Vix sent me this unopened(!) pattern a while back, and I had some curtains lying around....so what the hell!
I have been blithering about a new machine for yonks, but was very indecisive about it, and a little reluctant to do away with my old one, as my parents gave it to me for my 21st birthday....so it had sentimental value.
It has been acting up for sometime, however, and I figured I was gonna have to bite the bullet......but really didn't know what I was going to get..........and then we saw this on sale for a ridiculous price.........and so we got it!
Here's the bodice so far.
I'm treating this as a toile, but if it works out and I like it-bonus!
I have a sneaking suspicion that a) the style won't suit me, and b) I haven't adjusted it enough for my 42" booboids....(the pattern is for a 40" bust)...but I'm just gonna go for it, and it's a thrill to be sewing on a machine that doesn't fight back!!!
I'll let you know how I get on.

Now.

Have you seen what La Dama has been up to?!
This made me choke with laughter, it's frigging hilarious!
I'm really very amused, and am quite willing to have her hands on my mammary glands, but G will probably fight for his rights!
She looks bloody amazing too!

So, anyways, it looks like I might have  campylobacter, or good old fashioned food poisoning, so if I still feel crampy by the end of the weekend the doctor wants me to get a stool sample!!!
EW!
O please, please let me come right, please don't make me have to get up close and personal with my poo!
O dear.
If that is in fact what I have, I have no idea how I might have gotten it, but it does call to mind Ralph being rather loudly and awfully pukey on Sunday night/Monday morning......
Hmmmmmmmm
At least I haven't been violently and bloodily puking and/or shitting myself!
Wish me luck, darlings!
After all, you don't come here for milk and cookies, do you?!
Nah, you come here for the nitty gritty raw stuff.
Just like the real women y'all are!
X

33 comments:

The Brunette said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog, yeah I really like the new header the clothing is very me!

You are so hilarious this post made me laugh.

I love that dress and those tights are just fab

Hope your ok xx

Trees said...

Green shoes & blue tights awesome!!

I hope you feel better and there is nothing poo related that you have to deliver to the doctor!

Vintage Coconut said...

Oh my oh my Helga.. even though you are feeling shall we say (CRAPPY) you do not look it. I love you all decked out in green. Those shoes are so lovely I would sleep with them.

Thank you for clearing up the Chemist bit... because I was seriously wondering why you were hanging out at some science lab. *LOL* "Oh drug store... YAY I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!"

omg I would feel the same as you having to do with the stool sample. One time my best friend was having stomache issues and I went to the clinic with her and they told her she would need to bring them a stool sample in the next couple days. They handed her a bag stapled shut on her way out the door. When we got back to her place we looked in the bag and inside was a small little lidded cup (Okay that's normal) WITH A MINI SHOVEL!! *LMAO* We both died laughing *Being about 19 at the time* But then she stopped laughing and realized.. what she would have to do. =p

I hope you feel better RIGHT AWAY!
*Chants with you* "O please, please let me come right"

trashsparkle said...

Thank god your poorly tum hasn't affected your fabulous colour co-ordinating. Love those shoes - and now they are famous! Was she not looking at your face - just your shoes??

Hope ya get better soon - and tell Ralph to get well soon too. xx

Camelia Crinoline said...

You're famous! Mum brought home the Metropol with you in it the other week. You looked fabulous. Yay, sewing! That pattern is gorgeous. Can't wait to see the finished product. Hope you're feeling better soon.

pastcaring said...

Food poisoning? Oh no! That's grim (I know from experience...) I am keeping everything crossed that the tum settles down without the need for poop samples!

That said, you have managed to look fabulous, even in your hour of sickness, so well done you. Love a bit of blue and green. And while Desiree has her double-bagging thing going on, YOU have developed a double-cardi look of your own!
That pattern looks great, can't wait to see the finished article, the fabric's so pretty. Looks way too complicated for my rudimentary dressmaking skills. You ARE clever! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Miss Tallulah Porkchop said...

I inadvertantly touch cat poo, chook poo, rabbit poo, lovebird poo or pug poo on a daily basis. Now I ask you, wouldn't Hegla poo be a more attractive option?

You have such a great eye for colour. Note to self: try blue and green together.

x

Perdita said...

Oh dear. I have having to give 'samples' of any kind. Ugh. Hope you feel better soon and don't have to!

On the upside, you're looking fab.

Jenny Woolf said...

This is good antipodean gear. Like the green rose SPECIALLY

Louise said...

Bleurgh! Food poisoning? How nasty, I've had it once. I hope you're feeling better soon, and just don't know how you manage to still look glam when feeling so ill!

Anyway, have a good weekend, I hope you're better for it. Xx

OP SHOP MAMA said...

Have you never done the 'stool' thing? Really? SAdly, I have done poo pots a few times over my life - and not just my shite either!!! Charming!

You look marvellous despite your unwellness.. That green is triff.

x

Vintage Sweetheart said...

We definitely get the nitty gritty when we visit you! Hope you mend soon so you don't have to do it.
Normally I'm not a fan of blue and green together but I love them on you!

Em xx

Nelly said...

Maybe the poo collecting idea will scare that bug right out of you.do get better Helgie poo oh dear lol.

Miss Peregrin said...

So much colour! Anyone that says blue & green should never be seen has obviously never laid their eyes on you. You look fabulous, and I'd love to steal your blue tights!

Vix said...

Bloody hell, you're not up the duff are you? That sounds horrid and not like you at all. Poo samples? Eeek! i don't even want to think of the logistics of that one.
Get well soon, you gorgeous creature. You are far too fabulous for sickness, those colours and moves are just so joyous and wonderful.
LOVE YOU!!
Vix
xxxxxxxx

Miss Magpie said...

God I love that dress fabric! Can't wait to see it finished.


Been there done that with the stool sample twas mortifying but I was feeling so bad I kind of didn't feel embarassed until afterwards. I had to hand it in at reception. Oh the shame!

Loo xx from Jumbles and Pompoms said...

Blue and green, love it. Don't love poo samples though. Reminds me of the hideous time when my daughter had a stomach bug AND I spotted worms in her poo AND I had to collect a sample to take to the docs. Nice.

Sissy said...

I love everything about that outfit you're wearing and the dress-making is fantastic...feel better soon!

Pull Your Socks Up! said...

Oh gawd, the good ole stool sample scenario - what a fecker! I cannot believe that you managed to frock up and look so utterly, utterly delicious for Frock on a Friday while feeling like death warmed up - what a trooper you are! I adore the dress so much and the colour scheme is insanely gorgeous especially with GREEN shoes!!!!!! How could you have forgotten that incredible bag?:))) I'm hoping La Dama will commit bigamy and marry me. xoxoxoxo

Miss Rayne said...

FAB, surely that should be something psychedelic in the woodshed?

Krista said...

Looking hot as usual my dear!!! You have the brightest cutest collection of shoes Helga, I friggin love these green dreams!!! Sorry to hear you are feeling icky, hope whatever is going on get's the hell outta you! Love these ear rings and that leather bag is over the top awesomeness!

What is that furriness is the shed, I wonder?! Now off to check out La Dama, that chick is cray cray and I dig that!!!

Crystal Lee said...

I hope you recover soon, dear Helga. It’s interesting, but it seems several of my friends (and my boyfriend) have come down with something similar - symptoms akin to food poisoning or the stomach flu. Well, your physical malaise hasn’t done anything negative to your amazing sense of humor. I love the term “frocking it up”. I adore your outfit and your necklace. You are most worthy of the adoration of old ladies and the rest of the world. Thank you for brightening up this place.

LandGirl1980 said...

Christ on a bike to the MOON! That outfit is like a summer's day - green fields and blue skies!

I am also tres cocking envious of what looks like it is going to become the sort of dress I would maim for. Get it finished and post some pics!! You dress tease!

Tracy said...

I love those shoes - and the coat!

Dial V for Vintage said...

I hope you feel better soon! :)

La Dama said...

Helgita Amorcito,chiquita,
I love that your still posting while feeling sick. You look fabulosa wearing green. I am quite envious of your green shoes and again gorgeous tool bag. how famous are you? you need to post that magazine fotos, as I did not see it yet.
hope your yuck test results, help to find out what is going on? bet was that food you locos had the other day on G man's birthday.
Gracias for posting my mamary glands fotos,lol
luv ya!
get well soon amor.
besotes

pinktutu72 said...

I've been thinking about buying a Brother sewing machine(they come in pink), but I've heard bad things about the brand. How is your machine?
Those earrings are very pretty. I love the way you put colors together

pinktutu72 said...

I've been thinking about buying a Brother sewing machine(they come in pink), but I've heard bad things about the brand. How is your machine?
Those earrings are very pretty. I love the way you put colors together

two squirrels said...

Hey sweet I so hope you are feeling better. Loved the outfit, you are so amazing, to look so good even when you feel yucky. Big hugs and happiness to you. Love V

Penny Dreadful said...

Hehe, I like drugstores too. But I bet you love fanny-packs the mostest! xx

Sacramento said...

Green and blue and fabulous you.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Misfits Vintage said...

Fuck a duck, you look FAAAABULOUS!!! I LOVE the frock and blue tights/green shoes combo SO MUCH!

OH NO DID I miss the magazine thing? WHere is it!???

LoveYOU, Sarah xxx

Ronnie Rabbit said...

Sorry to hear you have been feeling ill, hope you are well on the way to a speedy recovery by now. The green and blue look great together. Fancy being spotted in a magazine, you are famous!