Your bone's got a little machine


Y'all know I have an odd thing for the British Monarchy; a passion for Queenie in particular, so you can imagine my delight when I received this splendid souvenir apron with a young and rather gormless looking Prince Charles on it from our Vix!
Even better, Charles' face is strategically situated right over my giney!*
Of course, I am not saving this superb item for the kitchen, PAH!-I'm fecking wearing this bastard!


I must admit to being slightly disappointed that no one commented upon my divoon apron appendage when I was out and about.
No doubt my devoted public were dazzled speechless.


And just check out this gloriARSE necklace delicious candy girl Krista made for me!!
Could it be anymore perfect?!
I've been very spoilt this week, with Parcels of Joy from Vix, Sarah and Krista!
Bloody SQUEE!
These three girls have been consistent since my early days of blogging and I love 'em!


A little of the gratuitious is good, yes?!


I received a lovely compliment from a lass I haven't seen in years at a party last night-she said I was like Dorian Grey, that I hadn't aged a bit!
I gracefully accepted her  compliment and continued dancing (or was that prancing?!) to a favourite 80's Goth song; the extended version of Sister of Mercy's "Temple of Love"
Yes, I am loving myself just a teensy little bit.
So bite me!
One of these days it'll all catch up on me, so I may as well make the most of  my youthful good looks now!



Frock-made it myself, with fabric from BellaBean Vintage, I think
Souvenir apron-from festival hopping Vix
Cardi-opshopped
Singlet top, barely seen-opshopped
Coat-60's/70's, a theatre sale
Tights-retail
Shoes-Trade Me
Handbag-a Rex, opshopped
Fuck Off bow-made it myself, with a cutoff from sexy biatch Sarah
Rings-right hand, from my friend Nicole, left hand, plastic heart from who knows where and plastic rainbow ring from the always lovely Sue
Earrings-also from Sarah
Sunglasses-retail, Melbourne 





X

* Abbreviation of vagina, naturally.

42 comments:

Sue said...

Love your wee video, and I am quite sure old chuck would!! you look as you would say, divoon!!

Ulla-Marie Nilsson said...

Wondering how Europe would be like if Helga was Queen ...?

Carina Rosenholm said...

Loving the dress and the apron but love Sisters of Mercy moore!! Never get tired of mr Eldridge....
Xxx

Mrs. D said...

Oh my that video made me chuckle. Fab stuff, only you could pull something like that off.
xx

two squirrels said...

Tee hee I just coughed up my breakfast.......eat it Charles......snigger!!!!!!! You are just fabulous Miss Helga....
Loving the colour combination of greens and blues.......yay parcels of love from the most wonderful ladies.
Sending love V

Forest City Fashionista said...

You are a wicked wench! I can't believe no one commented on the future king's head on your girl parts!
You are just the luckiest, with all those parcels of love!

Helen Le Caplain said...

Loving that apron of Charlie boy! Enjoy :D

www.mancunianvintage.com

thorne garnet said...

Cheeky apron!

OP SHOP MAMA said...

Fecking fantastic! Laughing my giney off.
x

Teresa said...

Eeep! I love all things Queenie too and that apron is AMAZING!

Also… can I please have your shoes? ;)
xo

Pull Your Socks Up! said...

Oh gawwwwwwwwwd ... Camilla is going to FREEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!! Not only does Charlie look perfectly at ease perched on your glorious mound, but the feckin' saucy bint in the vid actually does look positively age-less, moist and ready for a roll around HRH's organic garden beds!!!!!! GAWWWWWWWD you are completely gawwwwwwwjuss baby and oh my Krista's glorious work of art is going to be the talk of the town, especially when it's balanced on your pert bosom!!! Sunglasses!!! Frock!!! Parcels of Joy!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox

daiseedeb said...

Im loving the outing of these wonderful coats/jackets/etc.! Love the green glory of it all...
the colors together are fab.
What a risque apron! Shield the children's eyes!
And love it!
; )
xo
d

Vintage Bird Girl said...

What a combination with that green coat, some Charles action, gloriarse bag & shoes & frockage. Yep you are beautiful Darling....lap it up! Xx

Val Sparkle said...

Oh, you are a naughty Nell (Gwynne, of course)! What an excellent use of an apron. I think I'll send a link to RoyalFamily.org.uk.

JG Ruddock said...

That apron! That apron! Early Charles is so awesome. Not as fabulous as you are, naturally, but still pretty great. And as for that dress you made for yourself: gawd, love it. Fabric bonanza. xo xo

Misfits Vintage said...

Never mind Charles... eat it, you lezzo slut! LOVE the apron as skirt - I have quite forgotten that aprons make splendid overskirts, so thank you, as always, my love, for the splendid style advice.

The frock is DIVINE - HOW WARM IS IT THERE? YOU'RE IN A SUMMER FROCK?! The coat is divine, and as always, the devil's in the dastardly, delightful detail.

Love you more than gormless old twits!

Sarah xxx

Vix said...

I bet old Charlie's never had so much fun, he's much happier by your giney than standing next to ol' horse face!
Krista's necklace is a work of art.
I'd bite you any time, baby!
Love you! xxxxxx

freckleface said...

You're so bad. Eat it Charles, eat it! Remember the girl who kissed him in the surf? He has all the fun when he goes down under *wink*

Of course you look fantastic. We all know it. And you are right, a little of the gratuitous is always good. You're serving up a right good breakfast here in the UK.

I've always loved that amazing dress, it felt familiar somehow and I've just realised that I had a dress in that same fabric when I was about two or three. That's worth a squeal aint it? Squeeeeeee!! xxxxxxx

Melanie said...

Prince Charles must inspect your changing of the garters so he needs be strategically placed. Given that boyish grin, he looks like the cat that... Oh, never mind.
Oh are heaven Helga. Love your self-mades and your gifts of divine love which surround you in a body-halo of splendour.

Indigo Violet said...

Bonkers Prince Charlie on an apron? Classic! Camilla will be very unstable.

seƱora Allnut said...

fabulously kitschy kitsch apron, love all that stuff!!, and your pretty striped dress and all that blues and greens are fabulous, love your bag (as usual) and bow and bijouterie!!, you're a delightful and colorful covetable lady and I'm sure your charles is enjoying his place!
besos

edie pop said...

I love this colorful outfit and all the accessories, the prince Charles apron is so great, Vix is a genius and you used it in the best way! The dress you made is one of my favourite and it's perfect with the beautiful Krista's necklace!
God save the Queen!!
Love xxxxxxxx

Krista Gassib said...

Eat Charles eat it! I will be repeating this all friggin day long! Only you could rock this sort of apron and make it look so dam good! Yummy color combo indeed! Yah for unexpected genuine compliments, being in the moment is best! I love seeing tat necklace hanging so beautifully perched upon your glourious cleavage, emmmm yum!
I love you beautiful biking babe!
Xxxxxxooooo

menopauselsupermodel said...

Well--considering Charlie commented to Camilla he'd like to be her tampon.......

Only you could rock an apron like that--i'm sure your adoring public are just made speechless by your cheeky fabulousness!!

Emalina said...

teehee well done Vix that royal family apron is so made for you! Looks brilliant as a punky fanny statement! Love those sunnies and that amazing necklace too, long live Queen Helga!

Terri said...

The grin on Charles face speaks volumes even without the video!

Sacramento Amate said...

I want that frock made by your angel hands.
Love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hannah said...

Big fuck off bow, I have totally added that into my vocabulary without realising it was from you. You are ageless, you look gorge, I want that apron, I have thinking about wearing aprons outside, now I am convinced! xxx

pastcaring said...

Ha, Charlie should be so lucky! He's not man enough for you, darling, silly old fool. Him, not you. You, as we all know, are ageless, timeless, lace and fineness.
You are looking rather saucy in the apron though, maybe it's the thought of the future King of England around the giney that's got you frisky? (My kids used to say gina for vagina, often loudly, often in public, but that's OK.)
Anyway, moving on from Charles' munching of the lady salad - I love the stripy frock, and the fuck off bow, and the shoes and bag match quite shamelessly, and Krista's necklace looks adorable resting on that most splendid of bosoms. Phooaarr - never mind Charles, let me get hold of you, you sexy woman! xxxxxx

Hollie "Jet" Black-Ramsey said...

ahhhhh thank you so much for the video!

The Grande Dame said...

Ha! You're hilarious. I'm in lurve with that green coat! Theatre sales, yes please!

Louise McDonagh said...

Such a gorgeous mixture of colours, I've never seen an apron being worn out before, but what the hell, it looks bloody fabularse. Such a great compliment, you do always look so vibrant and amazeballs. Xx

Jane George said...

you just made me snort pimms down my nose....now there should be a warning on a post that makes you choke and waste good alcohol laughing! yeah Charlie boy should be so lucky!!! xxxx

Camelia Crinoline said...

Charles sure looks happy to be where he is. From what I can see of it, the stripey dress looks fab. I love the daisy trim on the hem.

bonsaimum said...

I will never look at an apron the same way again.

princesspincurls said...

YOU.ARE.HILARIOUS. I love this idea! I must say Charlie is looking rather young in this pickie. xx Shauna

Ariane Lasalle said...

This apron is just too much!
That is fab fine, so jealous but hey i got a pic of young queen Elizabeth in my office

hugs

Ariane

Sara said...

What an apron! Love the tights too/ ~LittleMissPlump (Sara)

Vintage Coconut said...

Yes I agree I think no one commented because they were speechless!
*hehehe* I bet Charles had never been worn out in public before. He must have had such a good time guarding your regions!

Harrie Hattie said...

Hellooooo Helga, loving your blog sweetie!!!. Much love from House Of Harrie Hattie xxx

Miss Simmonds Says said...

EAT IT CHARLES! That's my favourite new catchphrase. I must watch this video on repeat. I bloody adore the bow and I've never seen a royalty themed apron. Frankly, it's amazing and too good to keep indoors. How boring of people not to notice. Next time just wear it on it's own. You look wonderful all round, you got legs for days. xxxxxxxxxx

liz said...

Love the green coat, and those sunglasses, yay!